Saturday, November 19, 2005

Today I am thankful for my life.

I am so blessed to have come so far in my life. I went through my twenties and thirties without creating anything except offspring; I dared not write anything for fear someone would find it and see what I was thinking. I was even paranoid to answer the phone, for it might be someone with whom I did not want to speak. I could not understand why I felt like that, that nobody liked me, for I was willing to do anything for anybody without regard to myself. But I never wrote anything down. My thoughts were my own, and I was really not willing to share them with anyone else.

I went on like this for two decades, until I was ready to burst, and then my youngest son left some of his poetry lying around and I read it. By this time, I was in college, and my future was not clear, except that I wanted to be a professional something. I did not know what. Anyhow, I read my son's poetry, and it made me realize that poetry could be an outlet for my feelings, as it apparently was for him. So I started writing poetry. It turned out very dark, because my life had been dark. Then I started writing fiction, which actually turned out to be non fiction, for it was my life.

The piece that I was writing was of the time in 1971 when I was at the lowest point in my life, and it took me a long time to finish one little part, for I discovered that I was finding out what had happened to me at that time. I learned that writing can open up doors of memory that have been closed. I am trying to encourage my husband to write more, for he has had a dry spell.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

My first love

The love of my life occurred when I was 15. We were sitting on a bus, and he fell in love before I did. I did not know how to respond, because this was so new. It was a few days before I realized that this was not something I should be afraid of. He was just a boy who wanted to be friends, but more than that, he was concerned for me and my well being. It lasted for four years, but our parents didn't like it, because we were different religions. As if my parents, at least my mom, even believed in God or anything. I know my dad did, but my mom was always saying how the Bible wasn't true, etc., and that made me not want to pay any attention to her. But getting back to my young friend, he was really wonderful, and I only broke up with him because of our parents. Mine wanted me to date others, and so we both did that. It ended up at a bad time for him, and I was sorry about that, but I ended up marrying someone who was the same religion as I, but he turned out to be not so good. I always wished I had married my first young friend. He was the love of my life.

Friday, November 11, 2005

I am writing about my life, and its ups and downs

I remember all the things I used to write as a teenager. I would pour out my heart in fiction, and save it in a drawer. It was mostly romantic fiction, and I never named my characters. I wanted my readers to put themselves in the position of my characters. I also started writing a book about all the people I had met in my life. I was so motivated because I had just met a gentleman who inspired me; it was on a clipper ship, and he was from some other country, and could not speak English very well. We had been looking at Lake Michigan from the side of this clipper ship, trying to make sense to each other. I never saw him again, but his name was Asisa.